NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
