omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
