these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
