He told me they were just razor bumps!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
