My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
