There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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