the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i think my cat just said my name.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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