I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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