I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
