I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
