I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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