why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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