just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
