Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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