I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
