No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
