Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The beer is more important than you right now.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
