I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
