I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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