Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish I could teleport
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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