her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
