Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
