It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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