just come out here and I will go home with you...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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