I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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