I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
