So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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