I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
