Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
