I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
