He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
