College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
