did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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