So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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