i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
