I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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