Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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