he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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