I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
