why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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