at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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