I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it because I queefed?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
