She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is Oprah even human
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
