Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
