A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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