Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My vagina is officially offended.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
