She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
