And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
