I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
