Need sex. Gaining weight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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