Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
