that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
