I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
