Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
