I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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