he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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