so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
