Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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