I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
